


Jet Pack Blues

by charleybradburies



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Betrayal, Break Up, Canon Backstory, Canon Het Relationship, Canon Related, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fall Out Boy Lyrics, Family, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family Secrets, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fatherhood, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love, Love/Hate, Missing Scene, POV Male Character, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Partner Betrayal, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Betrayal, Post-Break Up, Reconciliation, Relationship Discussions, Relationship Problems, Relationship(s), Songfic, True Love, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 06:11:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4595838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charleybradburies/pseuds/charleybradburies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not like anyone ever said being with Sarah Manning would be easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jet Pack Blues

_“...I’ve got those jet pack blues...fight off the light tonight and just stay with me...honey, don’t you leave...”_

Cal slips out of bed as quietly as possible, but as soon as his feet are firm on the floor, Sarah’s curling into the warmth of his side of the bed, realizing he’s no longer there.

“Oi, the fuck you goin’, mate?”

Cal chuckles.

“Mate,” he repeats softly, too affectionately to sound mocking, and Sarah growls. 

“I mean, I _am_ your mate, so it’s kinda funny,” he explains, leaning back down over the bed to kiss her gently.

“So stay,” she grumbles, splaying her hands out in front of herself to grab his arms.

“If I stay,” he replies, breathing warm air between their faces, “we’ll wake up later and you’ll be pissed that there’s no food, and I’ll be pissed that there’s no food, and you’ve had that stomach bug, so I’ve got to keep you eating properly.”

Sarah groans, and Cal strokes some of her back anyway.

“You sound like such a fucking dad,” she chuckles, slipping back into her spot because she’s not awake enough to keep herself propped up in his.

“Really hope you’re not trying to break any news right now,” he says, trying to seem as calm as possible. 

_That would be fucking insane. I can’t - we can’t - well, I_ would _handle it, obviously._

A kid would be…stressful, but nice. He wanted kids, besides, it would be confirmation of what he already knows about them, about them together, about how good, how _right_ they were. Sarah didn’t believe in true love, but Cal sure did. She was stubborn as fuck, but maybe something like that would change her mind, even a little…

“Hmm?” Sarah whines back, obviously not understanding him, so he smiles and kisses her forehead.

“Go back to sleep, babe.”

_“...don’t you remember how we used to split a drink? It never mattered what it was, I think our heads were just that close...the sweetness never lasts, you know…”_

“Are you my dad?”

 _Oh,_ he’d love to hate her for this. He’d always thought he’d known what she’d stolen from him - a colleague had recommended he take an inventory of all the things he owned after she’d gone, so he had, and then there was the matter of his heart having been abruptly ripped out.

But _this?_ This, everything he’d wanted? The life he’d wanted for them, one he’d been convinced they could have, had scared her so shitless she’d taken it away from him? Nine years. Nine _whole_ fucking years. 

She’d taken it away from herself, he’s reminded when he meets her eyes, because he sees just how _desperate_ and in pain she is. Obviously she’s desperate - why else would she come to him, knowing all that had happened? 

He never could refuse her, not entirely, and he’d be a different man than the one he knows he is to turn away any kid in need, let alone his own. And God, not only his own, but the child of the woman he still loves? 

He feels his expression soften on its own, and his eyes meets Sarah’s again. She takes the cue.

“Yeah, monkey, this is Cal, and he’s your dad.”

_“...singing “baby come home” in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time..."_

He can hear her wake up, but she drapes her arm back across his chest sleepily and continues pretending to be asleep, and he doesn’t move.

“We could have done it, you know,” Cal whispers eventually, and Sarah stays still for a moment, deciding whether or not she’ll pretend to not have heard him.

“Had a family and all that.”

“Shit mum,” he thinks he hears her mumble, and he strokes her hair away from her face even though it’s buried in her pillow.

“Shit mum as is,” she moves to clarify, not giving him the chance to ask, and even through her weariness he can hear her confidence in the statement. It hurts more than he’ll admit to. 

Cal clears his throat.

“That’s not true, Sarah,” he argues, and Sarah groans. She’s even willing to push herself out of bed in order to not have to listen to him - but he’s stronger, and he grabs her only a moment after she’s started to roll. 

He sits up, and thank _God,_ she follows suit, even with her trademark angry expression etched into her face. 

“We were so young, Sarah. You were scared. You didn’t know better.”

“Didn’t know better?” she yelps. Her voice cracks. “Cal, I damn well _should_ have known better. I was restless, sure, and I was pregnant, but I was happy, and I was in -”

She stops herself; she’s about to cry, and he’s not sure who’s hurting more, but he's the one who manages to speak first. 

“I was too hurt and angry to stop you, and I’ve regretted it every day since you left.”

Sarah trembles, and pulls the sheets up over herself - he realizes that she’d indeed slept naked, but somehow it doesn’t actually distract him.

“I left _her,_ too, Cal. I let Vic fuck me and get me into dealing and I ran. Ran far away with him. He didn’t want her, and I didn’t know what I wanted. Or maybe I did, and just didn’t want to, but that didn’t change shit until I decided to go back. He was always fucked up and always pissed, and he hit me, and I tried to convince myself that he loved me. That somehow I’d found someone else who would ever - could ever - treat me like...anything like you. I left her with S and Felix until he hit me too hard one time and then I did the same thing to him I did to everyone. I stole from him and then I went back home and stole some other fucked up girl’s life and I got myself, got everyone, into all this fucking shit.” 

She’s practically sobbing now, nearly refusing to look at him, only meeting his pained gaze for split seconds at a time.

“Leaving Kira with your own mum was the best thing for all of you,” he chokes out, hoping she actually hears him. The least he could do was reassure her of something, in lieu of being able to throw himself into the emotional processing of half the things he’s just learned. Just like he’d decided years ago, he could do the dad thing. Dads did this all the time, right? Play cool. If he could do it with people he didn’t care about, why couldn’t he do it now?

“Was it, Cal? Was it _really_?”

“Being with Vic wasn’t. But like you said, you left him, too. And you see Kira now - she’s got your smarts and everything without having to feel like the foster kid you were before you met S. I doubt she’s gone a day of her life without knowing she’s loved, and you didn’t always know how to tell her that. I know - I haven’t been around, I only know what you all have told me...but she knows you better as the woman you are, the mother you are, than the woman you thought you were. And before long, she’ll barely remember all that.”

Sarah tries to smile, just barely managing one but still crying. 

“How are you so sure of all this? Fuck, how are you _here?_ How are you letting me stay in your -”

“Because we could have had a family, Sarah. And this, as fucked up as everything around us is, this is the only chance we’re gonna get.”

“But why? Why...us? _Me?_ Kira, I get, but…” 

“Because I still love you, Sarah. I never stopped loving you.”

_"...and I remember “baby, come home,” I remember “baby, come home...”_

Siobhan gives him a kiss on the cheek when she enters the house, and it catches him off guard; her mother even seems nice enough, regardless of his having been told multiple times that she was horrid. He’s pretty sure she doesn’t even register his name, opting instead to confirm with him that he’s “that brilliant little angel’s father,” and he’s too busy nodding proudly to care that she doesn’t bother with his name.

Kira and Sarah are outside for a good half hour, mostly lying on the ground, hugging and talking; they’re both freezing cold when they come inside. Kira, ever adaptive, pulls off her mittens and shoves her hands inside his hoodie pockets. Cal pretends to object, but only moves her when Sarah comes over. Sarah wraps her arms around his shoulders and he wraps his around her waist, then helps both of them out of their bulky coats. 

Sarah sets a couple of her icy fingertips against his cheek, ensuring he’ll turn to face her momentarily, and then leans in and kisses him, gentle and warm and with a smile. 

“Hey, baby, welcome home,” he whispers afterwards, and hands her a cup of hot tea.


End file.
